‘We understand you?’.

You sure say some funny things my dear teachers, friends, society and respected parents. So now pray tell me what do you understand about me, about my understanding of this world? Although it feels like I’m wrapped in the insane perpetuity of sanity, I can assure you that even I don’t understand anything.

‘Who are you? Is this interrogation worth our invaluable time? Aren’t you just a cog in the wheel of time? Your eyes, why do they burn? So you are deranged after all, because of those eyes. You seek help, lost sheep, but tell us why should we help you?’

It’s my distorted perception, your highness, that’s torturing my life; while yours is crystal clean washed diamond, bathed from the holy river of Ganges. The taker has bespoken that you can heal anything and destroy everything with a wink of an eye. And aren’t I your obedient little puppy? Your sweet, responsible and loving comrade. Don’t you recognise me? Alas, didn’t I vow to this world that they all are my brothers and sisters! So you do have a faint recollection of me, ah I’m so happy at least you can recall my face. And I thought I’d die in this place called nowhere like a nobody. But now that I’m here, for my existence as a responsible citizen, won’t you help with my bad perception and understanding?

‘We don’t like honesty or foolishness, though both are one and the same. And you reek of both, honest fool, but we are an optimist by nature. It’s the key to happiness to evade all negativity. If you can amuse this fraternity called our society, even for a moment then we shall spare a thought for you.’

I read a poem ages ago,
A  poet who lost his road.
Like every good anecdote,
It touched my heart and soul.

It was heaven, it was hell;
Daylight dawned at nighttime.
Worse than dream was the smell,
Stinking smell of fear and loneliness.

A disease where heart races,
A moment alludes to eternity.
How many infinities must I die,
In this life of agonizing mortality?

Gone, begone. None, I want none!
I’d rather bow to everyone.
Till I become a certain some,
Of you, of none. Take me in your alms,
So I can see the sunshine,
And the allure of moon.

I think,as a poet, now I’m meritorious of a worthy being.

‘Why?’ You ask.

Of course, because I trampled my feelings beneath my foot. And stuck to laws of the social jungle. I even regulated the rules by myself. As taught in the book, I never broke the law but changed it as situation deemed and followed the rigorous rules. Now I’m like you. A respected and responsible citizen. But lately, my eyes are muddied and because of that stupid swamp, I can once again see things clearly. My perception takes an ever changing mode, a perpetual Nirvana of scary ambition. Like a constant rollercoaster, with no beginning and end. Fuck that! It’s so fearsome that I have to puke after every change of tide.

As you can see, the saviour of life. I’m sick of dreams. Please give me the medication? I’m ready to pay any price. Any sum of money.

‘We knew you were honest, but stupidity to this extent is unpardonable. Even after living and scarring you haven’t grasped that money means nothing to us. We are the goddamn creators of it. They are paper to us like your trampled feelings. Your dreams are controlled by us, and if you want to live the sane and happy life, then we don’t want your obsolete money. We want your disease, your burning soul. Your twisted mind. Ah, your feeble heart too. Give that, and we shall cure you and we shall comply with your dreams of safety! Then you can enjoy your life while dying slowly and gently. Kind soul, give us those things to transform your wish to reality, and we shall comply.’

Thank you, my lord. At last, my perception shall shift, and I shall look and see as you do. Sensibly, like a textbook. Beautiful, what a beautiful world. You all are so fucking beautiful. Please beautify me with your corrupt aura of purity. I’d love to see the beauty of this world, the beauty of your tamed souls. Murder me so I can live like you.

‘Obey carefully. Who are you?
The pretender of knowledge,
Whose policy lies in lying,
And wisdom in ignorance.

Unity is power and dominance,
Humans deserve to be god,
Feel the control, mold the meek’s life
Stomp the gushing feeling of tomorrow,
Become the butcher of dreams.
To be one among many of us.‘

Kill me so I can become an eternal God like you. I shall repeat this beautiful poem, over and over, till it’s etched  in my cog. This understanding of a little punk fighter, I don’t want! Who cares about now, when in the afterlife I’m gonna live eternity with all of you. Let the fate of wheel spin already. 😋